Returning to Bethel

I had so many plans and hopes for how I thought my life was going to turn out, but at the end of the day God wrecked my plans to make way for His. Even though the undoing and breaking down and rebuilding was (and continues to be) the most difficult thing I’ve ever done, I am so thankful for the journey that has lead me to where I am today!

After not talking much about that season of life on here in 2022, you’re probably wondering “Why now?”

In the midst of the storm, I heard a message from Pastor Steven Furtick about how God instructed Jacob to return to Bethel. Jacob had been there before when he was running from his brother. This second time was different though.

You see, Jacob had never been more scared in his life when he first found himself in Bethel. This time he’s never been more uncertain. Pastor Steven went on to talk about how maybe sometimes God brings you back to a place of great uncertainty to remind you of all He has done for you in previous seasons of life, to remind you of all the things you’ve overcome in your life despite how tall the odds seemed stacked against you.

When Jacob was in need of the greatest faith he’d ever had, God took him back to the place of his greatest fear.

When I first heard this message, I took it very literally in the sense of my Bethel being a physical location, somewhere I could travel to like Jacob did. And while, that wasn’t wrong at the time, in this season of life, right now, “returning to Bethel” has taken on a whole new meaning.

Maybe someday we’ll sit down face to face and I’ll tell you my full story, but for now I will say that today, Bethel looks a lot more like a situation, a mental and emotional place, and not so much of like a physical location that you could find on a map.

By the grace of God, with the love and support of my people, and the biggest motiviation to perservere in my little guy I was finally able to start finding my way to the other side of it all.

Now, I’m finding myself struggling with issues I thought were long gone. I’m back in my own Bethel when it’s the last place I ever thought I’d be again, when it’s the last place Iever wanted to be again.

Someone recently told me, “The beautiful thing about our minds is that they let us deal with big things in small pieces, over time. Having trauma bubble back up means we are being challenged to tackle the next piece. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.”

While I’m another step closer to the end of this mile, I know the rest of the marathon is still before me. I know that the trauma of what I’ve lived and survived through will always be part of me and my story. I know that I’ll be making trips to and from my Bethel for the foreseeable future, but I also know that I wouldn’t be who I am today if I wouldn’t have gone through everything that I did.

It’s a marathon, not a sprint.