Tag: Faith

When Detours Lead to the Best Destinations

LeahLeave a comment

About a year ago, what I thought was my life came crashing to the ground. It wasn’t what I would have ever expected to be in the story of my life, but looking back, I am so incredibly thankful that God decided to wreck my plans!

If you know me you know I like being able to have a plan for everything (and back up plans). Sometimes no matter how much or how far in advance we make plans, they’ll never see the light of day. Sometimes the actions of others leave destruction that can never be fixed, no matter how hard we try.

I felt like the biggest failure. I had myself convinced that if I had been better/done better, maybe it would have changed things. There were times I felt pretty worthless, but then I’d remember the sweet little boy that calls me ‘mama’.

I’m not the same broken girl I was a year ago. I’ve had to grow in ways I never imagined possible. I’ve had to learn to drop the act and quit pretending that things are okay when they absolutely are not! I’ve had to let myself lean on my friends and family and let them love on me and Kaz. I’ve had to keep showing up on days when the weight of the world seemed so incredibly heavy.

I’d never wish what I went through on my worst enemy, but I am thankful for the breaking down that lead to me being rebuilt better than I ever would have been otherwise. I am so thankful for the people it’s brought me too. Sometimes the best things in life are the ones that we never had on our calendar but God always did!

So as I am almost to the finish line of being able to close this chapter of my life, I am so incredibly excited and hopeful for the future!

XOXO,
Leah

That’s What Faith Can Do

LeahLeave a comment

John 13:7 says, “You do not understand what I am doing now, but someday you will.”

If we’ve talked at any point in the last several months, you probably know that this season of life had me crying out to God on a regular basis. I had never been broken down in this way before, and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. This kind of soul crushing is relentless and comes and goes in waves, but it’s revealed just what I’m made of and who I truly belong to.

On the bad days, it’s had me questioning God in every single way. I just couldn’t understand why Kaz and I were being put through this. How could a good God allow this kind of thing to happen? That’s exactly what the devil wanted me to believe though, and it would have been so freaking easy to ya’ll.

The crazy thing though? I am so incredibly grateful for this breaking down of what I thought my life was and who I thought I was. You see, it’s easy when you’re in something to make the excuses and convince yourself that things aren’t that bad or maybe if I would have done or not done something it could have been prevented. That’s a whole other issue to breakdown another day though.

Without going through this, I know I wouldn’t have been able to be rebuilt so much better than I was before. I wouldn’t have been forced to strengthen certain relationships in my life. I wouldn’t have specific people in my life at all had I not gone through this, and something about that is so beautiful to watch unfolding in the midst of everything else.

People tell me how strong they think I am. They say that they don’t think they’d be doing as well as I am right now, but I can also tell that people are waiting and watching to see if I fall apart again.

The truth? Part of me knows it’s expected of me to be sad and upset at the way things are unfolding. I did the whole sitting on the kitchen floor at 3:00 AM crying my heart out. I did the struggle through the day while pouring absolutely every last bit of energy I had into taking care of Kaz only to crumble the second he was asleep thing. I did the crying out to God when all I could get out was, “Why?”. Looking back, I’m starting to be able to see why this had to happen though.

I may never fully understand. That thought alone was paralyzing at the beginning of this all but not anymore. It’s true; I may never full understand, but I no longer feel the need to in order to move forward and on.

This season of life will always be marked by some of the darkest of days I have experienced thus far, but also some of the brightest. I have had family step up and in in ways I didn’t even know to ask for. I’ve had friends, both old and new, love me (and Kaz) so fiercely and be there for us especially when family was so far away.

Life has a crazy way of doing that though, and God has an oh so perfect way of giving and taking exactly what is needed in or out of our lives.

These days I know I still have mountains to face, but instead of being scared by the size of it I’m reminded every single day that my God will always be bigger!

XOXO,
Leah

When God Knows What You Never Will

LeahLeave a comment

Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Deuteronomy 31:8 says “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

To say that God has been fighting so fiercely for me in this season of life I’ve found myself in is an understatement. There have been days when the choices and actions of others have seemed like a weight too heavy to bear and it took everything in me to get up and do the things I needed to do that were going to be best for me and Kaz in the long run.

You see, God never promises us an easy life free from suffering or the trials of this world. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. We are told in John 16:33 “I have said these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Somedays I still struggle to fully let go and trust in the plan God already has for my life. It is so easy to get caught up in the world and what others say when it comes to how we should feel, act, and/or behave. It’s easy to get caught up in the lies and to be tempted by the path that does everything but bring glory to God and only draws us farther away from Him.

Right now, very few people would blame me for going down that path. While it may seem like a much easier option and one that offers me a momentary feeling of justice or satisfaction, at the end of the day those actions or words said don’t reflect anyone else but me and who I am in Christ (as cheesy as that sounds).

Everyday is a struggle to remind myself that I am a daughter of the Lord most high. Who He tells me I am will always count for more than what anyone else could ever say about me. In Him I am loved, cherished, redeemed, created in His perfect image. The same God that created Heaven, earth, and the mountains created me.

While I don’t understand now why this trial is in God’s plan for my life, I take comfort in knowing that He sees the things I can’t. He hears the conversations I never will. He knows everything about what’s going on, and I don’t. I take comfort in know that God is using all the things (the good, the bad, the happy, and the sad) to work together for my good.

Things of this world fail me on a daily basis, but I rest assured that God never will!

XOXO,
Leah